The truth is most guys, even if they are happily married, want some additional pussy. If it can’t happen in terms of getting some real pussy, many will resort to secretly buying artificial vagina toys to play with. But this is easier said than done in situations where your wife or girlfriend is in close proximity.

When you want to be alone in the bedroom they see this as the perfect opportunity to talk to you about ‘important things’ whatever those important things might be. So it’s way too risky to drop your pants and have an artificial vagina session in the bedroom.

Letting loose in the bathroom is equally risky because she can easily interpret those gasps of pleasure for constipation, and the next thing you know you’re on a porridge and prune diet for the next two weeks.

Artificial vagina nightmares

All the things you can imagine that can go wrong when you settle somewhere quiet to pleasure yourself with an artificial vagina sex toy have actually happened. Here are a couple of examples.

Come again?

One guy wrote to a sex forum to explain that he was upstairs when he thought he heard his wife say she was going out. For him this presented the perfect opportunity to sample a brand new Fleshlight that he had successfully managed to sneak into the house.

He did everything right. He warmed the inner sleeve in the bathroom sink, put the sleeve back in the canister, dropped his pants, carefully lobed himself and the Fleshlight artificial vagina toy and plunged inside. He was enjoying his sixth or seventh stroke when his ten year old daughter burst through the door that, in his excitement he had failed to bolt properly.

Her eyes were like saucers as she said ‘Mom says can you come out, we’ve got some visitors’. She paused briefly as the guy desperately tried to hide his shame and then said ‘Daddy, what are you doing?’ All he could think of to say was ‘It’s an experiment for work’. It just goes to show that the most important organ you should engage when masturbating is your ears.

Picture this

Another guy’s wife had gone away on a business conference for three days. This presented the perfect opportunity for some late night porn and artificial vagina pounding sessions. On the second night he was engrossed in some hot and heavy porn while humping a Bree Olson pocket pussy. He just about jumped out of his skin when a flash of light illuminated the darkened room.

Three of his friends were outside his French windows falling about with laughter while taking candid pictures with their cell phones. They had decided to turn up unannounced with a few beers.